The Best Medicine-LAUGHTER
Top 10 sardarji inventions........

1) The water-proof towel
2) Solar powered torch
3) Submarine revolving door
4) A book on how to learn reading
5) Inflatable dart board
6) A dictionary index
7) Ejector seat in a helicopter
8) Powdered water
9) Pedal-powered wheel chair
10) Water-proof tea bag


LAWYERS JOURNAL

Reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are
questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain
cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:
1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,he doesn't know
about it until the next morning?"
2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"
3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"
4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"
5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"
6. "Did he kill you?"
7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"
10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"
11. Q: "She had three children, right?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "How many were boys?"
A: "None."
Q: "Were there any girls?"
12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: "I went to Europe, sir."
Q: "And you took your new wife?"
14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
A: "By death."
Q: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Q: "Was this a male or female?"
16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."
17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."
18. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
A: "Oral."
19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m."
Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."
20. Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval."
21. Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
A: "I have been since early childhood."
22. Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
A: "No."
Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
A: "No."
Q: "How can you be so sure, doctor?"
A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
23. Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
24. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
25. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
26. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
27. Q: Where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
28. Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
29. Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

Courtesy: Dr. KP Jacob



HOW PEOPLE FART...

1. The 'in' person - One who loves to smell his own farts
2. The amiable person - One who loves to smell other people's farts
3. The proud person - One who thinks his farts are exceptionally fine
4. The shy person - One who farts silently and then blushes
5. The impudent person - One who farts loud and then laughs
6. The scientific person - One who farts regularly but is concerned about the ozone layer.
7. The unfortunate person - One who would love to fart but shits instead
8. The honest person - One who admits he farted but offers a good medical reason
9. The nervous person - One who stops in the middle of a fart
10. The masochistic person - One who farts in bed, then fluffs the covers over himself
11. The dishonest person - One who farts and blames the dog
12. The selfish person - One who won't allow others to smell his farts
13. The repressed person - One who suppresses a fart for hours and hours
14. The thrifty person - One who always has a good fart in reserve
15. The strong person - One who has extremely powerful farts
16. The blonde person - One who hears a fart and answers the telephone
17. The anti-social person - One who excuses himself and farts in privacy
18. The strategic person - One who conceals his farts with coughing
19. The sadistic person - One who farts in bed, then fluffs the covers over his bedmate
20. The intellectual person - One who can determine from the smell of a fart what was eaten lately
21. The athletic person - One who farts at the slightest exertion
22. The optimistic person - One who farts with a clear conscience
23. The miserable person - One who loves to fart but simply can't
24. The boisterous person - One who proudly announces a fart
25. The sensitive person - One who farts and then starts crying
26. The pessimistic person - One who drops a silent one and then runs for cover
27. The eloquent person - One who farts just as much as is necessary
28. The glad person - One who farts the normal amount and is glad about it as he is convinced it is a
sign of good health
29. The disgusting person - One who farts and then walks around to disperse it evenly
30. The unlucky person - One whose farts are accompanied by solid matter.

I am very sorry........ It's a small world and it smells bad!
Courtesy: Dr. M. Rafique


The Taj Mahal

Before marriage
Taqdir hai magar kismat nahi khulti
Tajmahal banana chahata hoon
Lekin mumtaz nahi milti.

After marriage
Taqdir hai magar kismat nahi khulti
Tajmahal banana chahata hoon
Lekin mumtaz nahi marti.

CLICK HERE FOR JOKES FOR ALL SEASONS


Still in the Crate !
A guy out on the golf course takes a high-speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says, How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiance is still a virgin in every way.
The doc said, I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week. So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little four-sided bandage, and wired it all together-an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he had seen them. She says, You'll be the first, no one has ever touched these breasts.
He whips down his pants and says, Look at this, it's still in the CRATE !

Practicing Law !

A murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

Light Attraction !

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewarts wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, Here, you hold this high so I can see what I am doing. Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world. Whoa there Scotty! said the doctor. Do not be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come. Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby. No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems there's yet another one besides! cried the doctor.
The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. Do you think its the light thats attracting them?

Never Framed !

A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife was away. His wife came home sooner than he expected, used the toilet, and got the seat stuck to her rear. She was understandably distraught about this and asked her husband to drive her to the doctor. She put a large overcoat on to cover the seat before they went. When they got to the doctor's office, the man lifted his wife's coat to show him their predicament. The man asked, Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?
Well, yes, the doctor replied, but never framed.

Nursing Home !

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems okay, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems okay, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.
Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right? they ask.
It's pretty nice, she replies, Except they won't let you fart.

The Silent Ones !

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You did not know I was farting because they do not smell and are silent.
The doctor says, I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week.
The next week the lady goes back. Doctor, she says, I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts -- although still silent -- stink terribly.
The doctor says, Good! Now that we have cleared up your sinuses, lets work on your hearing...


What is Politics ?

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, What is politics? Dad says, Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so lets call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she is the administrator of the money, so we will call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense, So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. The father says, Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about. The little boy replies, Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.

The Government Worker !

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth was a Government Worker.
To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. T-Square, do your stuff. T- square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square and a
triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, Slide Rule, do your stuff. Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, Measure, do your stuff. Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Worker and said, What can your dog do?
The Government Worker called to his dog and said, Coffee Break, do your stuff.
Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, dumped on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Worker's Compensation and went home on sick leave.


Parrot !

A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got spiked, multi-colored hair that's green, purple and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's wearing worn-out shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man who glares at him for the next ten miles.
Finally, the punk gets self-conscious and barks at the old man, What are you looking at, you old fart...didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?
Without missing a beat, the old man replies: Yeah, back when I was young and in the Navy I got really drunk one night in Singapore and had sex with a parrot.... I thought maybe you were my son.



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